I am miserable

I dont think I can do more than a week away from her again. Ella is having a great time thought. Yesterday she went horse back riding and wants to do it again today but I think they are going to lake and use the paddle boats or fish. All in all, she is having a wonderful time. But I am not. I am totally lost with out her. I just get sad and dont get anything done that I thought I would. I have ALL this time and could totally use it to my benefit, and yet, I stay in my PJ's till after lunch. Ohh I am a pathetic mess.

So most of you guys know we are one some fertility meds to try and get pregnant again. According to the blood work, it is working but apparently, I just can not seem to make the whole "look who's talking" thing work. So Lisa, my friend who is an OB nurse told me to use an ovulation kit. So I thought it was like a pregnancy test. Two lines, pregnant. Only with the stupid ovulation ones, two lines mean NOTHING. You have to see if one line is DARKER than the other one. SERIOUSLY??? I cant tell. I am just so frustrated with all of this. I am 30, thought things would be a bit different, which is ok. This will be the last month I try to do this. We will need a break after this. I hate it. HATE IT. I would rather just get my pottery barn magazine and just order the baby I think is the best. Call it a day and wait for the stork to drop them off. Someone told me those babies were not available though.....